The Century Club!

This is my 100th post!

I should reserve it for something meaningful, but instead, I'll just give you a picture of a cat.

For a limited time only ...

Thank you, Goldfarb Electric on Virginia Street East in Charleston. Thank you for making today worth it.

I've seen fire and I've seen ice -- just not together

I've been lucky enough to see a lot of really cool stuff in my 28 years.

But nothing like this.

Sweet Ann sent this to me with the disclaimer, "I don't know if this will make you laugh or cry, but I feel obligated to share it with you anyway."

My true love bursts into flames.

Why, God? Why?!

(I should add that I do love that it's a Comcast Zamboni that bursts into flames ... nice touch! Exploding Zamboni? That's Comcastic!!)

I'm trapped in a glass case of emotion!!

The only thing I'm saying about Saturday:

"This reminds me of two years ago when that -- AUGH -- I DON'T EVEN HAVE A WORD FOR HIM -- promised me up until freaking 24 hours before opening kickoff that he bought season tickets for us, and you know what? It was all a lie. A huge letdown and a huge lie. Like this season's been. It's all one GIANT HUGE LIE and one giant letdown."
-- Jacque on the phone, 11:45 p.m. Saturday night, taking it all out on someone who just happened the be the unfortunate S.O.B. who answered the phone

Cooler heads since have prevailed. The sun came up, but still hasn't shined here. I really don't even mean what I said about the season being a letdown. Or a giant lie.

You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a prediction: It's going to be cold. It's going to be gray. And it's going to last you for the rest of your life.

In 62 short days ...

Feb. 2, 2008 -- Punxsutawney, Pa. -- PhilFest '08

Oh, and if you're going with us this year, prepare yourself for an afternoon spent at Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield where we won't be leaving until we finish the 15-pound hamburger. And then we'll all probably be really sick in the parking lot, but a good nap should help us work that out. It's Saturday, after all. No need to rush it on back to West Virginia!

PhilFest '08 will be my phourth (ha!!) trip to Punxsutawney for Groundhog Day. The first time I went, my friend Erinn (along with our other two friends) found it to be a good idea when at 10 p.m., we realized that the next day was Groundhog Day, the next day was Friday and well, we didn't have anything better to do that night.

In 2006, I took what, to this day, is known amongst my closest friends as "The Single Worst Trip I've Ever Made" for many, many reasons. One of the people on the trip seemed to think that what he saw in the movie actually was what was in store, and when that didn't pan out, he whined. Incessantly. And the other person on the trip (a person I don't even speak to anymore) tried a little to smooth things out but ended up fighting with the other douchebag. This led me to the conclusion, around 4 a.m., that I never, ever should have taken EITHER of them to Punxsutawney because once we got up to Gobbler's Knob, the "I wanna go home" douche decided to get really into it and have a good time and the other guy stood nowhere near where he could see what was going on wrapped in his blanket being pissy with everybody. Sigh. Even when I asked for a group picture, I got told no. Lesson learned: Don't make that trip with people you aren't certain can handle it on all levels. All of you end up miserable.

In 2007, though, it was "the Redeemer" trip, big time. Erinn was back for this one, along with our friend Danny, and to say that we had fun would be one of the greatest understatements of the century. From the minute we all got in the car in Morgantown until I was back in Charleston the next day sleeping for 18 hours straight, we had fun. Where else can you hear phrases like "Scream for me I.S.D.A.!!!!" and "they're made from sheep casings" all in the same night and still manage to make snow angels in Punxsutawney's park and see Punxy 5-0 about to make a takedown? And Burger King has never, ever been so tasty.

So, I'm eager to see what '08 has in store because it's a Saturday. I'm pretty sure Erinn's in again, I think I've almost talked Julie into it and definitely Jeff if he can get the time off. I'd love to get a couple of hotel rooms, a big ol' rented van ... I think we could turn it into a fantastic weekend.

If you want to go, we'd love to have you, but you're gonna have to pass our entrance exam first, and so help me GOD if you ask me if it's anything like the movie ...

Thank you, Benny from Aventura

And they're like ... it's better than yours. Damn right ... it's better than yours. I could teach you ... but I'd have to charge.

I just don't get it ...

I hate pop music, and I can't get enough of the song "Lip Gloss."


Music Videos - Lip Gloss

This song is arguably the most stupid song EVER made. There's no way in hell this required thought, effort or talent.

And yet, Lil' Mama is driving a Bentley and I'm working 50 hours a week.

I don't begrudge her for catching the break we all want, but I still don't get it. I think I'm officially getting old. It's finally happened. I'm ready to start watching "Match Game" re-runs and eating Swanson TV dinners.

Mmm. Salisbury steak.

Treats from the road!

As I watch all of Season 3 of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" on my iTunes, I found a few pics I took with my phone from the weekend. The bulk of the pics are on my other camera and I haven't gotten around to downloading them yet. I'll probably hold off until after the Pitt game Saturday.

This is "The Price Is Right" scratch-off ticket from the Pennsylvania Lottery, which was purchased from a machine at Johnnie's in downtown Johnstown, Pa. This ticket was $5 and has four ways to win. On the back it says the odds of winning are 1:4.32. Ladies and gentlemen, meet ".32." I didn't win a freakin' thing.

The sign outside the Cambria County War Memorial Building, home of ECHL team Johnstown Chiefs. For you movie freaks, the movie "Slap Shot" used the Johnstown team. In the movie, they were the Charlestown Chiefs. :)

If there's one thing the BlackBerry camera doesn't do that great, it's live action. I tried to take a picture of the Zamboni guy about 30 times and it never turned out much better than this. I want to drive a Zamboni for a hockey game at least once in my life. I'm absolutely fascinated by them. I'd like to clear the ice and then drive it to the Sheetz across the bridge. :)

The sun never sets on Hershey's Chocolate World. Julie and I stopped in here before we headed to Giant Center. We didn't get to do a regular tour, but I figure I'll be back at some point to do that. I'm willing to drive five hours to smell a town that smells like chocolatey goodness.

B-E-A-R-S BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! B-E-A-R-S BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! Giant Center, Hershey, Pa. Hershey Bears v. Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins. Giant Center is absolutely awesome. Not a bad seat in the place. Oh, and they sell pierogies at the concession stand. Pierogies!! I'm ready to be a season ticket holder.

Proving that no good deed goes unpunished, George changes the container the Hershey's Kisses came in from "Hershey's Chocolate World" to "Hershey's Chocolate Rain," to give props to Tay Zonday.

I'm alive ... swear!

Things have been incredibly busy in the days following Thanksgiving.

In somewhat chronological order:

* Went to Johnstown, Pa., and watched the Johnstown Chiefs. I felt all "Slap Shot." It was awesome. Had dinner at a place called Johnnie's with some of the most real people I've ever met in my LIFE. Lost big time at Pennsylvania scratch-off tickets. (Screw you, Commonwealth!!) The liquor store worker said we could park by the bridge " 'n at."

* Went to Harrisburg, Pa., and checked into the Crowne Plaza where Julie and I decided we could move in. They give you a sleep mask, a sleep CD and lavender bed spray. I'm in love.

* Spent all day Saturday afternoon with Julie walking around Harrisburg, going to see the inside of their Capitol, taking pictures, walking to City Island, looking at leaves and molesting the newspaperman statute.

* Got pretty well acquainted with Harrisburg nightlife. Got a standing ovation from the wonderful bartending staff at The Firehouse on North Second Street for my knowledge of the lyrics of "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)." Suck it, Ed.

* If I don't get a Nintendo Wii soon, I'm gonna kill somebody.

* Saw my first ever Hershey Bears hockey game at Giant Center in Hershey. Went to chocolate world. Everybody asks if the town smells like chocolate. I couldn't smell. I was still sick. I'm now a huge Hershey Bears fan.

* Pennsylvania Turnpike: I still hate you. But I'm buying an EZ Pass to make our relationship better.

* Came back to work. New guy started! Woo!

* My divorce became final at 4 p.m. November 27. This wasn't easy. Or fun. It was sad. And it was like watching a movie of it happening. It didn't feel like it was happening when I was sitting there.

* Volleyball. Visit from Mom.

* Intent to go to the gym, but everybody is hellbent on feeding and watering me. I'm OK, I promise. Hot fudge cake isn't going to make me thin. And I've got two half-marathons to try to do next year!

... I think that's it. But I'll jump back into ye olde blogging game as soon as the dust clears.

Why I giant heart Nicole

Because she sends me e-mails like this:

Shortly after this picture was taken, the turkey shouted 'death to america' and blew itself up. Four staffers were injured. Mr. Bush was last seen looking for cranberry sauce.

Turkey for me, Turkey for you ...

Oh, let the games begin, kids, 'cause it's ON!

My Mom and Dad just got back from the massive trip to Witschey's grocery store (screw you, Wal-Mart ... HOMETOWN POWER!) with everything you could possibly need to eat yourself miserable.

Stuffing! Noodles! Green beans that will morph into a tasty-yet-artery-clogging casserole! My Mom's about to go get my Grandma, so there's gonna be ... PIE, bitches! PIE!

But don't get me wrong. As much as the former fat girl in me loves the Thanksgiving food, I'm most happy to see my friends and family that I often don't see. My friends Crystal and John and their kids, Angie and Mike are in town, my cousin Justin who lives in Charlotte that I've not seen in years, my cousin Jen and her husband -- and naturally, my sister and her husband and their kid.

And of course, local TV. Charleston's by far not the pinnacle of entertainment, but I'm laughing really hard at this commercial for a car dearler in New Martinsville who every year does "Buck Truck Fever." The premise of this deal, I shit you not, is "Buy a truck, get a gun."

I have no idea how they do that ... I've never asked, but I mean, you'd think there's some federal stuff tied up in that. Or else I'd be really, really scared. I mean, I know most of the people who live here. Less than 5 percent of them SHOULD have a gun in their possession.

But all in all, I'm very happy that it's 12:35 p.m. and I'm still in the clothes I went to bed in hours and hours ago! Granted, I'm not going to be ready to move when it's go time, so a shower wouldn't be a bad plan, but then again ... I'm on vacation! I'm on Jacque Standard Time.

The results are in: You're not superficial!

In this week's poll question, I asked y'all:

Which would you rather have?

Here's how you voted:

A mate who's amazingly good looking, but a total idiot. (GOOSE EGG!)
A mate who's amazingly intelligent, but not much to look at. 27 percent (5 votes)
As Billy Joel said, "I just want someone that I can talk to." 13 votes (72 percent)

Thank you all for somewhat restoring my faith in humanity and proving, yet again, that Billy Joel has the answers for everything.

Oh, what the hell?! Now this?!

Rest In Peace, Mr. Whipple.

Is there such thing as a "super strain"?

I told Julie that I think I got some sort of super strain of cold because my trusted ally, NyQuil, isn't even helping me now. NyQuil is powerless against this cold.

I can't breathe. No matter what I do, I can't breathe. It's just not happening. I've got so much to do before I head out for Thanksgiving it's unreal, and here I type at 6:30 p.m. about to take a shower and go to bed so I can make it into work tomorrow.

I didn't work today. This might be my first sick day since I got my wisdom teeth out in 2005. I couldn't do it. I thought I could go in at noon, and I couldn't. I'm tired and weak now from putting on a hat to go to the store for cat food so my animal doesn't starve. Poor Inky. I mean, I think she could miss a meal or two, but she tends to be a far more agreeable creature with a full belly. (As I type this, she finished eating and she's curled up purring like she's the happiest cat in West Virginia ...)

But now, I give NyQuil a chance to NOT let me down again. I'd hate to have it fail me after such a long time together.

Tonight's program is brought to you by ...

I feel like death. I'm not even kidding. Even though I had such an amazing time in Covington/Cincinnati, going on a trip like that and keeping the pace we did when you're already halfway to full-blown flu isn't the way to go.

Nevertheless, we're pressing on and having a show tonight because there won't be one next week. By the time 8 p.m. rolls around next Sunday, Julie and I are going to be center ice at a Hershey Bears game in Pennsylvania.

I could literally go to bed right this minute.

Hi! I'm in ... Covington!

1. The Courtyard by Marriott in Covington, KY has lead curtains. I swear. We didn't know it was almost noon before we woke up.

2. New Martinsville is everywhere. Literally. First person we see at the hotel last night? Graduated two years before me.

3. Right next door? AWFUL WAFFLE!!!! :) Which is so calling our names, so I better get moving.

Go 'Eers. Go Blue. Go Nittany Lions.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

On the road in Ohio

I'm in the back of Erinn and Mike's car as we head toward Cincinnati. We're about 60 miles away, and I've already laughed harder than I have in a while. :)
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

First Song Friday (11-16-07)

A new take on the feature -- featuring YouTube.

Today's pick is courtesy of the 1990s music channel on MusicChoice. I heart you, digital cable.

I can die happy. On Feb. 22.

Feb. 21 -- Wachovia Center -- Philadelphia, PA

Me. And the FOO!

This is my first Foo Fighters concert. The first time I'll get to see them live! I'm so excited, I can't even hold it in. I've decided that February is the best month ever because it's got Groundhog Day, my birthday and Foo Fighters all in the same 29 days.

Prisoners have it better than you

Note to self: When you get locked up for something unique, be lucky enough that you committed the crime in Clayton County, Ga.

Clayton prison requests satellite TV for inmates

By MEGAN MATTEUCCI
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 11/13/07
The latest management tool to settle prison squabbles could be "Monday Night Football."
The Clayton County Correctional Institution asked the County Commission on Tuesday to order DIRECTV for the Lovejoy prison.
Warden Frank Taylor Smith said inmates have been grumbling since "Monday Night Football" moved from ABC to ESPN.
"The reason is 'Monday Night Football' is now on cable," he said. "Although it might seem funny, when you have 90 percent of inmates watching something, it is a management tool for the institution."
The direct-broadcast satellite service — less than $100 a month — will be paid for from money collected at the prison's commissary and pay phones. Last year, the prison collected $41,000 from the inmate commissary and telephones but spent only a quarter of that money on inmate welfare, Smith said.
The 226 inmates housed in the facility's five dormitories now have the option of watching two channels, but half the time the reception is poor.
"It's a very routine thing. Every state prison has cable or DIRECTV," Smith said. "We have an antenna now."
Smith told the commission that all state prisons and 90 percent of county institutions have either cable or satellite TV.
However, Georgia Department of Corrections officials say that is not correct.
"No prisoners have DIRECTV. Television is a privilege," said Tracy Smith, a state corrections spokeswoman. "Our televisions have antennas."
The state pays a stipend to Clayton County to house inmates in the medium security prison, which serves as a work camp to provide labor for the county's public works, water authority, landfill and other departments. County officials say they save $1.4 million annually by using inmate labor.
The Clayton County Commission will vote on the DIRECTV proposal next week.

... what part of "you're in jail because you committed a crime and you don't deserve all of the things people who aren't in jail have" did I miss?