Why I love my office No. 321

Reporter (on phone): Does anybody know where the gun show is this weekend?

Me (flexing my biceps): YEAH!! Right HERE!!

I love this freakin' paper!

Fake Jessica "roots" for the Cowboys, in an elaborate jinx hatched by the Post to help the Giants. Tony Romo tends to preform poorly with a Blonde singing girlfriend in attendance at one of his games.

The New York Post ... serious Giants fans. So much so that they put a fake Jessica Simpson at the Giants-Cowboys game yesterday.

'Boys Seeing Double: Post's 'Jess' Helps Giants KO Dallas

That might be enough to make the Giants my new favorite team.

Because everybody loves a good Top 10

From our friends at Cracked.com ... the Top 10 Douchebags of 2007!



I'm bummed out that some of my nominations didn't make the cut.

OK, I lied. THIS is the best headline ever.

From today's Charleston Daily Mail:

Man accused of hiding meat in his pants

It's like Christmas came early for me.

And now, a fun picture of bologna:

Back from the road ... again.

I'm dead ass tired and swimming in laundry, so I do promise an update soon, but until then, here's a video from Nicole, who from 3,000 miles away is able to make me laugh almost every day.



YO! Patty O! These are your peeps, bro! :)

These are also Nicole's peeps. Maybe you all summered at the Vineyard together. ;)

My new favorite t-shirt

So right -- and so wrong -- on so many levels.

If there IS a Husband No. 2

I start a lot of sentences with that phase. It isn't because I'm in some sort of rush to run out and find him. I'm really not in any hurry to even go out to dinner with someone I don't know.

But there is, down the road, the thought of trying this concept again. And if that ever does happen, I hope I marry a really competitive dude, because he's going to have to help me top this in terms of freaking awesome:

glumbert - Best wedding first dance ever

The "Thriller" dance was awesome. The couple who replicated the final dance in "Dirty Dancing"? You totally have a fan in me. But I've placed this couple at my solid No. 1 to beat. You're going down, "Baby Got Back" couple!

** And speaking of weddings, today is my parents' 30th anniversary. THIRTY freakin' years!! :) Congratulations, Mom and Dad. Your decision to go to Virginia that weekend and get hitched created a couple of pretty fantastic kids and a lot of fun for them growing up. I'm happy to see two of my best friends reach this kind of milestone. :)**

Part-time job anyone?

I'm reading something at work right now that has a customer service program called:

"Give 'em the Pickle."

I so am looking these people up.

I'm not sayin', I'm JUST sayin' ...

Everybody should see this video. Especially if you went to West Virginia University or maybe live in the proximity of Long Island, New York.



I showed this to George, good friend and fellow WVU grad, who did, in fact, confirm it's 100 percent accurate.

For a limited time only ...

Thank you, Goldfarb Electric on Virginia Street East in Charleston. Thank you for making today worth it.

Thank you, Benny from Aventura

And they're like ... it's better than yours. Damn right ... it's better than yours. I could teach you ... but I'd have to charge.

Why I giant heart Nicole

Because she sends me e-mails like this:

Shortly after this picture was taken, the turkey shouted 'death to america' and blew itself up. Four staffers were injured. Mr. Bush was last seen looking for cranberry sauce.

Only in my office ...

... can two of my staff writers walk in from lunch -- one in an Elvis mask and one in a Paulie Walnuts looking mask -- and nobody bats an eye.

I love you, YouTube.

I don't need words for this.

Old notebook, new laughter

I found a notebook in a drawer today that's about 18 months old. In the notebook was a screenplay Jo and I started writing about a psycho who was going to kill me and carve "never again" into my chest and fill the wounds with glitter.

It was loosely based on reality -- I had somehow managed to consume a nearly 40-year-old woman who thought that I was stealing her "boyfriend." This total whack job even went so far as to create fake MySpace pages to communicate with him, thinking I'd somehow be too stupid to catch on. She bitched about me to him relentlessly about how I was "picking on her."

This probably wouldn't have been as much fun if he just would have told the truth about her from the beginning rather than "oh, she's a psycho stalker. You should ignore her or she could hurt you or me or both of us." (Hey ... HIS words. NOT mine.)

... right. Truth? No? Half-truth? No? OK.

Fortunately, I'm so far removed from that world even the memories are spotty.

However, for the afternoon entertainment that notebook brought, this post is dedicated to the glitter graphic, Jo in Miami, "Crazy" by Pasty Cline, Jesus and our hope that one day, even I will be in the Writers Guild of America so I can be on strike.

'Local Lawmaker Punished for Honesty'

So, my political leanings aren't what you'd call "run of the mill."

On paper, I'm Libertarian. Basically, I'm kind of like, "OK, government, build my roads and stuff, but I can take care of me. Really. Just back off."

Socially, I'm very liberal. Fiscally, I'm very conservative. This often provides great fire for debate.

However, liberal or conservative, Republican or Democrat, you get my undying support if you're just honest.

Let's take my pal, beleaguered Republican Idaho Sen. Larry Craig for example.

Dude, it's cool. You were trolling for ass in an airport bathroom. I'm for you and your right to happiness. Just don't be a douche about it when you're caught. Nut up. Take responsibility. Move on. Don't go on TV and cry. Don't toss about the idea of rehab. For the love of God, don't say you've found Jesus. Just shrug your shoulders, smile sheepishly and say, "Eeesh, sorry 'bout that. It seemed like a great idea at the time."

That's why this story caught my eye:

OLYMPIA, Wash. (AP) - Minority House Republicans, already reeling from a sex scandal that prompted one member to quit, have severely disciplined a Vancouver lawmaker for inappropriate remarks to a female staffer.
Rep. Jim Dunn was stripped of all committee assignments on Monday, and will be required to attend sensitivity training, said House Minority Leader Richard DeBolt, R-Chehalis. Dunn had been the ranking Republican on the Housing Committee, and sat on the powerful House spending committee.
"We know that society has moved beyond off-color remarks between men and women," DeBolt said Monday evening. "We're big kids, so we need to act like that."
The strength of the discipline raised the possibility that Dunn could resign.
Dunn, reached at home Monday evening, said he had not read DeBolt's letter of reprimand. Dunn said he had no plans to resign.
Dunn said he already has apologized to the woman who was the target of his remark, which came at a gathering after a House Appropriations subcommittee meeting in the Tri-Cities last week.
Dunn also said he could not exactly recall what he said to the woman, but said he was "sure it was very inappropriate, because I do that kind of thing." He also acknowledged it could have been interpreted as sexual harassment.

Thank you, Jim Dunn. Thank you for your honesty. Rather than hemming and hawing and giving a bunch of "aww, jeez, I mean, Um ... well, I wouldn't say ... well, in that context, um, uhhh," you stood up and said (in some fashion), "Yeah, it's not UNlike me to call someone sugartits."

I salute you.

It's funny 'cause it's true

Julie sent me this video this morning, and it cracked me up. The cat in this cartoon is totally Miss Cleo, my cat who lives in my old house. I miss her a whole lot. She's always kind of ill-tempered, but I love that about her.

My friend Philip just got a cat. He should get ready for this.

A picture's worth ...

One of my friends just e-mailed me this picture. She said it was an actual picture of a parking space outside her place of employment.

At least she doesn't work in media ... I'd be really sad in that case.

Nobody will admit to this ...

But this picture is hanging out in my newspaper's pagination server: