OK. It's not funny anymore.

... I might kill myself at my desk.

Phone rings. Call from my company's "kitchen."

Me: Hello?

Caller: Hey, Jac-K. It's (ad sales girl). I'm here in the kitchen and the can opener just broke. I was wondering if you guys had one upstairs.

Me: I ... In the ... What? ... I don't know.

Note to my friends and fans: I've decided I will NOT be answering my phone for the rest of the day. I just don't have it in me.

... Just when I thought it coudn't get better

Voicemail left while I was at lunch:

"Hi, Jacque. This is Rosey from (insert contractor here). I was calling to get a list of every business in West Virginia. If you could give me a call back, I would appreciate it. My number is 757-XXXX."

Now it's just getting out of control ...

It's just one more service I offer ...

Phone rings at my desk. Deceptively, it's "in-house." I answer it, figuring I'm safe.

Me: Hello?

(Silence)

Me: Hellooo?

(Silence -- I decide to look at the phone. It was a sneaky transfer. Note to self: Peeved at girl who transferred the call. OK, I'm over it.)

Me: (Insert Standard Professional Phone Greeting here)

Caller: Yeah, this is John Q. Bigdeal from Awesome Enterprises. I was wondering ... I'm looking at your paper here, can you give me the number to (insert state agency here).

Me: I'm sorry, what?

Caller: Can you give me the number to (insert state agency here)?

Me: You just want their phone number?

Caller: Yeah.

Me: (Screaming on the inside -- enter 'Sweet as Pie' voice) Hang on just a second and I'll look that up for you.

(Insert 1.5 seconds for Google search and click-thru.)

Me: It's 558-XXXX.

Caller: That's a state number?

Me: Yes. 558 is the state's exchange.

Caller: (Laughing, because clearly, he brought his clever trousers today) How 'bout that. Thanks. *click*

(I start hitting my head off my desk. To my dismay, I'm still conscious.)