Why I love my sister No. 3,298

My sister got this today as a gift from a co-worker and she immediately sent it in a text message to us with the message of "This is the best present ever!"

Yes, that's a shocker shot glass.

Yes, that's my family, everybody. These ... are MY kinda people. :)

I'm alive ... swear!

Things have been incredibly busy in the days following Thanksgiving.

In somewhat chronological order:

* Went to Johnstown, Pa., and watched the Johnstown Chiefs. I felt all "Slap Shot." It was awesome. Had dinner at a place called Johnnie's with some of the most real people I've ever met in my LIFE. Lost big time at Pennsylvania scratch-off tickets. (Screw you, Commonwealth!!) The liquor store worker said we could park by the bridge " 'n at."

* Went to Harrisburg, Pa., and checked into the Crowne Plaza where Julie and I decided we could move in. They give you a sleep mask, a sleep CD and lavender bed spray. I'm in love.

* Spent all day Saturday afternoon with Julie walking around Harrisburg, going to see the inside of their Capitol, taking pictures, walking to City Island, looking at leaves and molesting the newspaperman statute.

* Got pretty well acquainted with Harrisburg nightlife. Got a standing ovation from the wonderful bartending staff at The Firehouse on North Second Street for my knowledge of the lyrics of "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)." Suck it, Ed.

* If I don't get a Nintendo Wii soon, I'm gonna kill somebody.

* Saw my first ever Hershey Bears hockey game at Giant Center in Hershey. Went to chocolate world. Everybody asks if the town smells like chocolate. I couldn't smell. I was still sick. I'm now a huge Hershey Bears fan.

* Pennsylvania Turnpike: I still hate you. But I'm buying an EZ Pass to make our relationship better.

* Came back to work. New guy started! Woo!

* My divorce became final at 4 p.m. November 27. This wasn't easy. Or fun. It was sad. And it was like watching a movie of it happening. It didn't feel like it was happening when I was sitting there.

* Volleyball. Visit from Mom.

* Intent to go to the gym, but everybody is hellbent on feeding and watering me. I'm OK, I promise. Hot fudge cake isn't going to make me thin. And I've got two half-marathons to try to do next year!

... I think that's it. But I'll jump back into ye olde blogging game as soon as the dust clears.

Turkey for me, Turkey for you ...

Oh, let the games begin, kids, 'cause it's ON!

My Mom and Dad just got back from the massive trip to Witschey's grocery store (screw you, Wal-Mart ... HOMETOWN POWER!) with everything you could possibly need to eat yourself miserable.

Stuffing! Noodles! Green beans that will morph into a tasty-yet-artery-clogging casserole! My Mom's about to go get my Grandma, so there's gonna be ... PIE, bitches! PIE!

But don't get me wrong. As much as the former fat girl in me loves the Thanksgiving food, I'm most happy to see my friends and family that I often don't see. My friends Crystal and John and their kids, Angie and Mike are in town, my cousin Justin who lives in Charlotte that I've not seen in years, my cousin Jen and her husband -- and naturally, my sister and her husband and their kid.

And of course, local TV. Charleston's by far not the pinnacle of entertainment, but I'm laughing really hard at this commercial for a car dearler in New Martinsville who every year does "Buck Truck Fever." The premise of this deal, I shit you not, is "Buy a truck, get a gun."

I have no idea how they do that ... I've never asked, but I mean, you'd think there's some federal stuff tied up in that. Or else I'd be really, really scared. I mean, I know most of the people who live here. Less than 5 percent of them SHOULD have a gun in their possession.

But all in all, I'm very happy that it's 12:35 p.m. and I'm still in the clothes I went to bed in hours and hours ago! Granted, I'm not going to be ready to move when it's go time, so a shower wouldn't be a bad plan, but then again ... I'm on vacation! I'm on Jacque Standard Time.

Happy birthday, Angie!!

The beautiful girl on the left is celebrating her birthday today in Philadelphia. I'm unfortunately not in Philadelphia today to help her, but I think she knows that I'm there in spirit. This picture was from her bachelorette party March 31, 2007.

Happy birthday to someone who really has seen it all with me and never left my side through any of it. You are simply the best, ever.

And I hope you at least go buy a cute coat today or something ... Maybe hang out with Lord Hauser. :)

So if you're one of my readers and inclined, leave Angie some birthday love!

What's puzzling you is the nature of my game

Today, I got a new watch at Target, because I can't find any of my watches from the move.

So, I got this really pretty stainless steel one because that's just how I roll. It's stylish, yet very grown up.

And it's about four sizes too big.

Oh, sure, they give you 'easy' directions on how to remove links. Easy if you're a freaking jeweler.

I also saw a Hello Kitty watch for about $3.99. I had it in my hand before I went the adult route and got the stainless one.

As I lamented to Paige about my huge watch with impossible-to-remove links, I made the observation that "no move toward adulthood goes unpunished." She agreed.

My family was here today, which was nice. I had my sister here overnight. My sister and I have an odd relationship, but a close one. I don't get her, she doesn't get me. We're OK with that. Last night we saw a friend of mine from Pilates class and she said we looked alike. It always seems that people who don't know us are the ones who say we look alike. My sister's a little taller than I am, she's got blonde hair, blue eyes and a little darker complected. I'm about as pale as they come, auburn hair, bright green eyes. Rarely, if ever, do I get "Oh, you look just alike."

But we had a good time. We went for dinner and ice cream and then came back here where both of us fell asleep almost immediately from full bellies. My parents joined us today and we all had dinner for Dad's birthday. He's a year away from retirement, but convinced he's not going to live that long. My Dad and I are alike in that way ... He says he won't make it to 62. He said he wouldn't make it to 60. I can remember when I was a kid him saying he didn't believe he'd make it to 40.

I always say that I won't make it past 30. And it's going to be in some amazing blaze of glory fashion that I go out. Hahaha ... Likely after saying, "Guys! Seriously! Check this out!"

But tonight, I've found myself giving up on getting the links out of the watch and watching "Kingpin" which combines two of my most favorite things -- bowling and the Amish. You could say I'm obsessed with both, along with drumming and Kiefer Sutherland. I mean, the bowling is something people laugh about. One morning, I actually was almost late for work because I was watching the end of a professional bowling match. I'll watch professional bowling almost every time it's on TV. That makes me ... ridiculous.

Most people find this movie to be really, really stupid. And it is. But there's also some comedic gold in that film, and some of the best one-liners ever. I started it last night, but my sister wanted to watch "Tommy Boy" instead. So, because it's just me and Inky holding down the fort tonight, we're watching the kind of crap we want to watch. Well, to be fair, Inky isn't watching anything. She's asleep in front of the heater vent where it's warm.

When I lived in my old apartment five years ago, I'd sleep on the couch on the weekends. It was my weekend ritual. I don't know why it felt so good to sleep on the couch after a week's worth of work, but it did. I'd sleep on the couch with the TV on channel that was showing infomercials. I figure that's to blame for 90 percent of my desire to own a Showtime Rotisserie Grill and a Juice Tiger.

But the last weekend I spent in my house, I tried to sleep on the couch and couldn't do it. I woke up around 2 and went up to my bed and crawled between the sheets and fell back into a really deep sleep. Tonight may be the next attempt at couch sleeping, because as I'm writing this, it's sucking me in and telling me to stay.

Ah, Saturday night on your own. It's a hell of a party. :)

Kids are awesome

My friend Amber looks over at me and says, "Luke got in trouble at school yesterday. He would have been done with his punishment right after school, but he got another day tacked on for that."

Luke is Amber's kindergarten-aged son. I asked what he did.

"They had a play at school yesterday, and apparently, he was rude to the actors."

I nearly spit out my diet Mountain Dew. And I'm still laughing about this.

Her 5-year-old was hassling actors. He's a heckler. I told her that she and her husband are failing to see the potential in this little future movie critic! That kid is an untapped resource. I'd encourage him to heckle MORE actors. And musicians.

I don't know if I'll ever have kids, but as long as there are kids like this hanging around, I'm happy.

Morgantown bound!

I'm just wrapping up a couple of things, and then it's Homecoming time! :)

West Virginia's a 23-point favorite. I hope this doesn't become a "parking lot by halftime" game. My parents are going with me (and my friend Philip) and I'm getting them into a tailgate. I hope they have a great time.

Must get outta here ... I need to pack and set up the perpetual feeders for Inky.

I hope to BlackBerry blog ... 'cause I'm a geek, and because I can.

Reader mail (and Wednesday random)

I'm on the phone with Jeff right now, in an IM with Ben and listening to "Delilah" on the radio, which I leave on for Inky during the day so she's got some background noise. (Yeah, that's lame. Mock me if you want.) The song on now is "Night Shift" by Lionel Richie.

Verrrrrp.

Oh, but there's been redemption, because now we've got "Sara Smile" by Holland Oates.

You'll get that joke if you're a fan of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."

* * * * *

But on with the reader mail!

My sister, Ashlea, sent me this story, courtesy of our friends at FOXnews.com:

Woman Overheard Yelling Obscenities at Toilet Could Face Jail Time
Tuesday , October 16, 2007

SCRANTON, Pa. — A woman who allegedly shouted profanities at her overflowing toilet within earshot of a neighbor was cited for disorderly conduct, authorities said.

Dawn Herb could face up to 90 days in jail and a fine of up to $300.

"It doesn't make any sense. I was in my house. It's not like I was outside or drunk," Herb told The Times-Tribune of Scranton. "The toilet was overflowing and leaking down into the kitchen and I was yelling (for my daughter) to get the mop."

Herb does not recall exactly what she said, but she admitted letting more than a few bad words fly near an open bathroom window Thursday night.

Her next-door neighbor, a city police officer who was off-duty at the time, asked her to keep it down, police said. When she continued, the officer called police.

Mary Catherine Roper, an attorney with the American Civil Liberties Union in Philadelphia, took issue with the citation.

"You can't prosecute somebody for swearing at a cop or a toilet," she said.

Why is this story awesome? Where do I even start?

1. Who HASN'T yelled at an inanimate object like that? I must swear at objects a dozen or more times a day.

2. What are YOU going to do the next time your toilet overflows? Bet me money that you swear.

3. Douchebag off-duty cops.

4. ... Um, hello? The best part ... SCRANTON!

5. Ash, thanks for getting this week's Roundup segment ready for the show Sunday!

* * * * *

I'm starting to think Inky is possessed. Or at the least a little neurotic, which isn't bad given the girl who adopted her.

She's spent the last 30 minutes chasing both my gym bag (which hasn't moved) or her foot. She hisses at HER FOOT. I'm confused by this. That foot's never done you wrong, Ink.

* * * * *

Speaking of the gym, though, I'm still training for the triathlon in April. The last few weeks haven't been good on my gym schedule.

Truth be told, in the days following my separation, I didn't do much but lay around on the couch and watch TV. Then I traveled a little and came back to Charleston and I was living with a friend, so I didn't do a whole lot. It took me a week to get really settled into my new place and this is actually the first week I've been back into a routine of any sort.

That three weeks off was hell on my running endurance. You wouldn't think that three weeks off could affect your time like that, but it did for me. I just have to get back into it and get dedicated to it again. It'll be easier now, and I'm looking forward to the challenge.

Next after the Disney Danskin Tri is the Erie Half-Marathon, so you all should get your posterboard signs ready for that one. Oh, and your gambling money. Because after I run, we're totally tagging Presque Isle like it's our job.

* * * * *

I think it's bed time. I've got a few books that I got at Kanawha County Library's annual used book sale that I'm eager to rip into. I decided to not put a TV in my bedroom so I have a quiet place. The TV is too great a temptation when you're trying to sleep ... I'd rather pass out with a good book.

I also bought a composition book to write down my dreams ... if I could just remember them. So far, no luck.