Prisoners have it better than you

Note to self: When you get locked up for something unique, be lucky enough that you committed the crime in Clayton County, Ga.

Clayton prison requests satellite TV for inmates

By MEGAN MATTEUCCI
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 11/13/07
The latest management tool to settle prison squabbles could be "Monday Night Football."
The Clayton County Correctional Institution asked the County Commission on Tuesday to order DIRECTV for the Lovejoy prison.
Warden Frank Taylor Smith said inmates have been grumbling since "Monday Night Football" moved from ABC to ESPN.
"The reason is 'Monday Night Football' is now on cable," he said. "Although it might seem funny, when you have 90 percent of inmates watching something, it is a management tool for the institution."
The direct-broadcast satellite service — less than $100 a month — will be paid for from money collected at the prison's commissary and pay phones. Last year, the prison collected $41,000 from the inmate commissary and telephones but spent only a quarter of that money on inmate welfare, Smith said.
The 226 inmates housed in the facility's five dormitories now have the option of watching two channels, but half the time the reception is poor.
"It's a very routine thing. Every state prison has cable or DIRECTV," Smith said. "We have an antenna now."
Smith told the commission that all state prisons and 90 percent of county institutions have either cable or satellite TV.
However, Georgia Department of Corrections officials say that is not correct.
"No prisoners have DIRECTV. Television is a privilege," said Tracy Smith, a state corrections spokeswoman. "Our televisions have antennas."
The state pays a stipend to Clayton County to house inmates in the medium security prison, which serves as a work camp to provide labor for the county's public works, water authority, landfill and other departments. County officials say they save $1.4 million annually by using inmate labor.
The Clayton County Commission will vote on the DIRECTV proposal next week.

... what part of "you're in jail because you committed a crime and you don't deserve all of the things people who aren't in jail have" did I miss?

Only in my office ...

... can two of my staff writers walk in from lunch -- one in an Elvis mask and one in a Paulie Walnuts looking mask -- and nobody bats an eye.

It was a great idea at the time!

This came in the mail yesterday. It's just a shame that nobody's going to see it under the five other layers of clothes when Erinn and I go into Nippert Stadium Saturday night for the WVU-Cincinnati game.

I'm so excited for this trip! Erinn and Mike (her husband, whose blog you should read after this one by clicking HERE!) and I will leave on Friday and we'll eat at a restaurant you can read about here.

I'm taking my camera ... now that I've got the cord and I stopped being lazy ... to document the action. :)

Because who DOESN'T need some 1980s?

Pretty much one of my favorite songs ... ever.



If I think about it long enough, it's this song and "This Is a Call" by Foo Fighters that got me so obsessed with drumming. I just finished watching this video, and the whole time, I'm drumming on my kitchen table.

I *heart* you, 1980s. Come back.

... Interesting.

SiteMeter is fun.

I used to be overwhelmingly popular in Parkersburg by a CityNet user.

But yesterday, after I wrote about the screenplay Jo and I did, I stopped being popular in Parkersburg almost immediately.

I'm now overwhelmingly popular by a generic ISP in Houston, Texas, by a user with the exact same computer specs as whoever was in Parkersburg using CityNet. They're also very interested in the comments on the post about the screenplay.

But I'm sure that's just a coincidence. It's probably also a coincidence that someone's been on my show page with all of those exact same specs ... Total coincidence.

That's really the last I'm going to say about it.

I know you're doing it. You know you're doing it.

You hate me. I think you're pathetic.

I love that I don't have anything stopping me from calling you out anymore. You'd think that alone would be enough to make me uninteresting to you and you'd be patting yourself on your back enjoying your "prize," but it's clearly not enough.

But until you want to stop hiding behind your Internet veil and address me directly, you're not worth the time I've already put into you. You're spending hours a day on this blog. Literally. If you're investing that kind of time in me, you have time to come out from your anonymous, sad little world. I'm putting myself out here because I'm not a coward. You've never been anything but a coward. And jealous. And knowing what I do know about you, you're justified in your jealousy.

Sometimes, they write themselves!

I got this as an e-mail survey from a friend of mine, and just decided to respond here, so hopefully she comes this way to see the anwers. :)

Are you happy with your given name? I like it in that it's unique with its spelling. I hate it in that people always trip over it or call me "Zhock."

What is your guaranteed weeping movie? I will cry almost every time at the end of "When Harry Met Sally." Sometimes, even the end of "Major League" makes me weepy.

What is the one thing you like to do alone? Exercise. Mostly running. I like running alone because it's' my time for me.

What’s a major fear or yours? Failure. I'm not really afraid of things, per se. I find some insects to be a little creepy, but that's it.

Are you a pyromaniac? I don't set stuff on fire on my desk anymore, so I'd say I'm over it!

Do you know anyone famous? Yeah!

Describe your bed. It's really soft. It's a sleigh bed, which I've always wanted. It's dark cherry wood. It has a ton of pillows and really good sheets and a soft comforter.

What type of character would you play in a movie? The wacky sidekick, naturally.

What do you carry with you at all times? BlackBerry and my wallet.

How do you eat an apple? Just eat it ... I mean, it's a self-contained food!

Do you prefer to stand out or blend in? I'm OK just being part of the scenery. That rarely happens.

What kind of first impression do you think you give people? I could only imagine. I would guess that "personable" is probably a prevalent choice.

Favorite communication method? Whatever I can do with my BlackBerry :)

What is your hidden talent? I'm good at making fleece tie blankets.

Do you own a Bible? Yes.

How many drinks before you’re tipsy? I'm Frank the Tank. It's a lot.

Do you have a problem changing clothes in front of friends? Nope.

What should you be doing instead of this? Probably working ... but we're off next week so I feel a little better in NOT working right now.

Who was the last person who called you? Julie, who's on her way back from Stonewall

Are you ready? For? A nap? Yeah. Pilates? Yeah. Some personal training sessions? Sure!

What is the last gift you gave someone? I gave my cousin a gift for her baby shower Saturday.

Does everything happen for a reason? You bet your ass it does.

What is your biggest headache lately? Friday. :( And everything that led up to Friday even happening.

What color is your bedroom? I'm a renter. It's white. At my old house it was a really pretty blue I picked out at Sherwin Williams when paint was dirt cheap.

Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? Too nice, actually.

Have you ever pierced your own body part or that of someone else? No. They have state-licensed people to do things like that.

What kind of watch do you wear? A stainless steel one. It's hot.

What’s one car you will never buy? I don't think I'd ever buy a pickup truck. Nothing against them, but I can't see why I'd buy one for myself.

How many online journals do you read daily? A few ... I recommend you check on the ones to the right. :)

Do you cry in front of your friends? Yeah. Especially lately.

Would you die to save the life of someone you dearly love? Yes.

Do you have any married friends? Tons of 'em.

Do you like thunderstorms? I like to sleep during thunderstorms.

What was your first job? I shaved blocks of ice and made them into snow-cone like things at SnoBiz in New Martinsville.

What was the last thing you typed before this survey? I was writing back to Ben.

Who was your last IM to? I haven't IMed anybody today, so I'd say last night, it was Paige.

Favorite word lately? "Awesome."

What’s the strangest thing that’s happened to you in the past week? I don't know ... every day is kind of strange. Nothing sticks out.

You have a crush, don’t you? No. I actually, really don't.

Who? I said I don't!

What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments? I'm fidgety. Very, very fidgety.

Do you talk a lot? Yes. I'm a communicator!

What do you typically order at a bar? Vodka and cranberry.

Name ONE trait you hate in a person. Unfounded arrogance.

Favorite writing utensil? Pilot G-2 Retractable pens. So smooth. So perfect.

What’s one thing you’re a loser at? Being patient.

When’s the last time you made someone cry? It's been about a month or so.

Do you like the rain? Only if I'm not running in it. Then it's OK.

Who was the last person you talked to in person? George. He's behind me. He asked me why I was against him.

What are your plans for the weekend? I'm going to Cincinnati with Erinn to watch the WVU-Cincinnati game.

How much money would it take for you to give up the Internet for a year? Can I have it on my BlackBerry? If not, I'd probably do it for a million dollars, but I mean, I couldn't work. My job depends on the Internets.

Where’s your ideal marriage location? Ha! This is easy! Punxsutawney, Pa., on Feb. 2 where they do the weddings by the Inner Circle members.

What do you cook the best? I'm very good at chili. Mmm. Chili.

What kind of books do you like to read? I like non-fiction and true crime books. I'm also fascinated by organized crime and the mafia.

If you win the lottery, what would you like to do? I'd pack it up and move somewhere new and just see what happened.

If you don’t like a person, how do you show it? Let me count the ways ...

How long have you known your best friend? It seems like my entire life. We had the same Kindergarten teacher, but she hated me then. We had the same sixth grade teacher, but she hated me then, too. I think she started to like me in eighth grade when she realized I knew how to do algebra. :)

What are you listening to? "The Long Walk Back" CD by Just Off Turner that I bought on iTunes.

What was the last thing you laughed at? George, who said that he was gonna give someone a "wet kiss" if "Daddy got his job done right today."

What do you wish you were doing right now? Napping, easily. I'm sleepy.

What musical instrument do you wish you could play? I wish I was better at the guitar.

What’s the funniest experience you ever had at your job? Oh, wow. That's hard to narrow down. I'm going to vote for the Danny Shock Collar Incident. If you want details, I could totally do a post JUST on that.

If you could speak any language, which language would you speak? Spanish. We're all going to need it soon, and I want to be ready. :)

What fingers did you use to answer this… RIGHT NOW? Um, the ones on my hands?

Are you going to save your results? It's a blog, man. It's done been saved.

I love you, YouTube.

I don't need words for this.

Mistakes you make only once

Today when I was carrying the trash out, I saw the bottom fall out of my neighbor's bag.

No, I didn't laugh. I really wanted to. It was almost coming out, but I felt bad for him because I've been there.

He had a white bag he was carrying out. The city of Charleston gives you garbage bags that are black, so I don't know if he was out or just not using them, but I mean, I use them because they're free and they don't suck.

But I started thinking ... buying cheap garbage bags is a mistake you make only once. While some mistakes you'll make over and over again, you learn that lesson really quickly.

What are some other ones? Feel free to add to this list ... I'm developing an idea here.

As I close in on 11 hours at work today ...

My signature Demotivator really says it all at this point.

Old notebook, new laughter

I found a notebook in a drawer today that's about 18 months old. In the notebook was a screenplay Jo and I started writing about a psycho who was going to kill me and carve "never again" into my chest and fill the wounds with glitter.

It was loosely based on reality -- I had somehow managed to consume a nearly 40-year-old woman who thought that I was stealing her "boyfriend." This total whack job even went so far as to create fake MySpace pages to communicate with him, thinking I'd somehow be too stupid to catch on. She bitched about me to him relentlessly about how I was "picking on her."

This probably wouldn't have been as much fun if he just would have told the truth about her from the beginning rather than "oh, she's a psycho stalker. You should ignore her or she could hurt you or me or both of us." (Hey ... HIS words. NOT mine.)

... right. Truth? No? Half-truth? No? OK.

Fortunately, I'm so far removed from that world even the memories are spotty.

However, for the afternoon entertainment that notebook brought, this post is dedicated to the glitter graphic, Jo in Miami, "Crazy" by Pasty Cline, Jesus and our hope that one day, even I will be in the Writers Guild of America so I can be on strike.

New music you'll like: Just Off Turner

This band, in a single word, is great.


I learned about this band Friday night during The James Madison Show, a show I help co-host on Friday nights on TalkRadioX.

These guys are really personable, funny and passionate about what they do. It shows through their music. They released "The Long Walk Back" this year, and their album "End of Play" was released in 2002. My favorite song of theirs is the title track from "The Long Walk Back."

I don't know how these guys haven't exploded all over the national music scene, especially when crap bands like The Fray and All-American Rejects get airplay.

You can check out their music at their MySpace page or their site -- JustOffTurner.com. If you like what you hear, you can download their music from iTunes or buy the CDs from Amazon.com.

The results are in: We heart our opposite sex friends!

In this week's survey of your brain, I asked:

Can a man and a woman simply be "just friends"?

Here's how you voted:

Yes! Some of my closest friends are of the opposite sex. -- 9 votes (50 percent)
I suppose, but 99 percent of the time, it's complicated. -- 8 votes (44 percent)
Nope. It's not possible. -- 1 vote (5 percent)

I'm curious about the one "no" vote, so if you're that vote and you want to share, I'd love to hear your experience. I voted yes, because it's true in my case ... P and Jeff are just two of many. They're dudes, but there's never been any sort of issue that came between us in terms of "should we ever go past this." I'd take a bullet for them. They'd take one for me.

My sister's best friend is a guy named Forsh. She's lucky to have him, because they really are separated at birth twins.

I'm not saying I've not run into the situation where I became really close friends with a male and it got complicated -- I lost an entire year, maybe longer, of my four years at WVU to it, and it lingered on for another three. You learn from it. You live. You go on.

Well, this explains it!

(Note to readers: That thing below -- yeah, that's the body I got cursed with. No matter how many miles I run, no matter how many squats I do, no matter how many Pilates classes I take, that doesn't change. Today's events, however, have led me to perhaps embrace my lot in life, because current scientific research answers a lot of my questions. HELL YEAH!!)


From today's New York Post ...

The Wider Gals' Hips, The Higher Their IQ: Report

Who's a bowling pin genius? WHO??

Or ... what has two thumbs and looks like a bowling pin but is real smart?

THIS GIRL!!

Freaking real(ity) TV

So, I'm fascinated by this show I'm watching on A&E right now called "Intervention." Basically, the premise is they focus on someone with an addiction and then they follow them from the beginning, to the intervention, to treatment, etc.

Right now I'm watching this girl named Cristy who wanted to be a fashion designer, but got all addicated to crystal meth and alcohol and now she's a stripper. Her sister just came to try to make her eat lunch and she was so messed up she ended up beating her sister -- all of this while naked. In a house that looked like a hurricane had been through it and she was just living in the piles.

I don't know, really, what it's like to be in a situation where you have a family member who's so bad off that you have to just swoop in and haul them off to the rehab. I never had an immediate family member who was addicted to hard drugs ... it's all normal, run of the mill stuff.

So, as fascinated as I am, I'm sad. I can't imagine something having that kind of control over you. I make jokes about meth all the time (because it's a HUGE problem where I live) by saying that if it didn't make you ugly, I'd be all over it to make me thin, but after seeing this, I sort of feel bad for saying it.

And then there's the part of me that's wrestling with why I'm watching it. I mean, it's somewhat educational and I'm learning something, but then again, I feel like I'm watching someone else's life blow up for the sake of entertainment.

I've had a rough couple of days, so I think it goes back to the, "Well, it's nice to know that somebody's worse off than you, Jacque." I mean, isn't that why we watch "Maury" or "Jerry Springer"? There's part of us that likes to know that somewhere, someone's having a worse day than you are.

But it's kind of sad. I can't even imagine just drinking vodka like it's bottled water, and that's what she's doing. She's just drinking it right out of the bottle. It blows my mind.

Christmas *IS* only six weeks away

This is on the list.

This guy ...










Is ... a freakin' beast. In the last 45 seconds of the game Saturday night against the Devils, he probably had five saves to keep them from tying it. Out of my long-standing tradition of goalie love, Rick DiPietro's been it for the past couple of years.

Tonight's game is against the Flyers, which as much as I love Philadelphia, I'll be going against them tonight. :) (Sorry, Ang. But the next time the Islanders are in town, I totally need to come over and we can go!!)

That's right ... sadly, my interest in football is waning now that hockey's getting into full swing. Julie and I are even going on a semi-pro hockey tour in two weeks. Maybe it's my Canadiophilia ...

Truth through art

Just so you know, it's not out of the realm of possibility that something very similar to this has happened with my friends and me. I, of course, would be the one holding the flame thrower.

We have a lot of great ideas ... it's a shame most of them suck.

Happy birthday, Angie!!

The beautiful girl on the left is celebrating her birthday today in Philadelphia. I'm unfortunately not in Philadelphia today to help her, but I think she knows that I'm there in spirit. This picture was from her bachelorette party March 31, 2007.

Happy birthday to someone who really has seen it all with me and never left my side through any of it. You are simply the best, ever.

And I hope you at least go buy a cute coat today or something ... Maybe hang out with Lord Hauser. :)

So if you're one of my readers and inclined, leave Angie some birthday love!

First Song Friday (11-09-07)

Oh, kids. If this morning's pick is any indication, today could be off the charts in fantastic.

Today's pick, courtesy of the 1980s Music Choice channel on my digital cable provided by Suddenlink, a company for which I am like a battered wife.

The first song I heard today is, "We Built This City" by Starship. A song, by most accounts (including this one where Blender magazine named it pretty much the worst song ever), that represented all that was wrong with pop music, even though the song railed against it.

For your singalong pleasure:

We Built This City

Chorus:
We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock and roll

Say you don't know me or recognize my face
Say you don't care who goes to that kind of place
Knee deep in the hoopla, sinking in your fight
Too many runaways eating up the night

Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio, don't you remember
We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll

Chorus:
We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock and roll

Someone always playing corporation games
Who cares they're always changing corporation names
We just want to dance here, someone stole the stage
They call us irresponsible, write us off the page

Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio, don't you remember
We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll

We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock and roll

It's just another Sunday, in a tired old street
Police have got the choke hold, oh then we just lost the beat

Who counts the money underneath the bar
Who rides the wrecking ball in two rock guitars
Don't tell us you need us, cos were the ship of fools
Looking for America, coming through your schools

(I'm looking out over that Golden Gate Bridge
Out on another gorgeous sunny Saturday, not seein' that bumper to bumper traffic)

Don't you remember ('member)('member)

(what's your favorite radio station, in your favorite radio city
The city by the bay, the city that rocks, the city that never sleeps)

Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio, don't you remember
We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll

We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock and roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock and roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock and roll

(we built, we built this city) built this city (we built, we built this city)

I makes me wish my open fingered gloves were here already!!

'Your next wedding invitation ...'

My friend Amber makes me laugh really hard. She sent this to me. She said she anticipates this is in my future.

Give it up, bro

Julie sent me a story from Newsweek online today about -- man boobs.

Not a tasty post-lunch treat, that's for sure. But it's kind of interesting.

Most of us would naturally presume that man boobs show up because you get fat. And while yeah, that's true, it's not just because you're packing it on, it's because of the estrogen that extra fat brings with it. I was fascinated.

Anyway, if you're interested, you can read the entire article here. It's actually pretty interesting, but I'm a science geek. And it contains the pop-culture "Seinfeld" reference to the "bro."