My parting thought for 2007 ...

The never-emptying inbox

You ever see those cartoons? The ones where the guy's at his desk and his outbox is empty and the inbox is overflowing? That's kind of how I feel right now.

Christmas is, well, three days away. It isn't that I don't know when Christmas is. It's not like it changes days on you. It's the same frickin' day every year. It doesn't sneak up on me.

Right now, I've got a million projects going on. Our show has really started to take off and that brings a whole new set of things to do for it. I was co-hosting another show on Fridays, and I got the chance to spin off to another show on a different network. I'm writing for the SportFellas and I'm going to be doing their radio show. I'm also taking on a few outside design projects because in the event that I decide to peace out, I have to refresh those skills. And they're fun.

Oh, wait. I committed to a triathlon in July in Chicago. The Danskin. We were going do to April in Orlando but opted to go to Chicago instead. I'm down with that. I've never been there.

Let's throw the Erie half-marathon on top of that. I think it's the weekend after.

You want more?

Harrisburg-Hershey half-marathon ... second weekend of November. I realize that's a hell of a long way down the road, but it's not like something you capriciously prepare for. You don't wake up that Saturday morning and say, "eh, I got nothing better to do, so I think I'll hit 13 miles today."

So between work, traveling, writing, radio, training ... sleep's a luxury. I tried going to bed really early last night but my mind was racing.

I neglected to send out Christmas cards and it's more because my life has been in such a state of transition during the last few months I didn't even think to ask for the Excel spreadsheet of addresses so I could send them. There's no tree. I didn't decorate. I just don't feel much like Christmas this year, and understandably.

In a few days, I'll be at home, on my parents' couch, watching their TV and relaxing. I'll take a minute or three to breathe and catch up, and then hit it again. Time's not slowing down for me, it seems. It's getting faster and faster.

... and I'm gonna be freakin' 29. Gah.

And it's time for me to call into my second network for the Christmas radio show. Then, I swear some down time with the TV.

OK, I lied. THIS is the best headline ever.

From today's Charleston Daily Mail:

Man accused of hiding meat in his pants

It's like Christmas came early for me.

And now, a fun picture of bologna:

Christmas from The Cadillac of Men!

Who says men don't listen?

During my show Sunday night, I said that nunchucks would make me the happiest person in the world, and look at what got delivered today from Foobs, also known as The Cadillac of Men!

Just for general information, there is a running bet on how long it will take me to hurt myself with these. I've had them four minutes and I hit myself in the head once.

Best. Headline. Ever.

Check out this awesome story from today's New York Post!

It just made my Wednesday, and it's only 9:17 a.m.!

About that pesky WVU coaching situation ...

As always, I'm not saying. I'm just saying. And I'm saying I'm amazed that there are more conspiracy theories about this coaching departure than there were about Sept. 11. And it's stupid.

At the end of the day, Rich Rodriguez made a choice. Every day, we all make choices. He made a choice. That's it. That's really as complicated as it gets.

Back from the road ... again.

I'm dead ass tired and swimming in laundry, so I do promise an update soon, but until then, here's a video from Nicole, who from 3,000 miles away is able to make me laugh almost every day.



YO! Patty O! These are your peeps, bro! :)

These are also Nicole's peeps. Maybe you all summered at the Vineyard together. ;)

My new favorite t-shirt

So right -- and so wrong -- on so many levels.

Site Pimping: SportFellas.com

I'm happy to pimp these guys, because they're my second family.

SportFellas.com -- Armchair Philosophy Served with a Beer and a Bias

Dean just asked me to be a contributor, so now their motto can be served with a beer, and a bias, and in my case, boobs. So far, I'm the lone female contributor.

Also, SportFellas is about to launch their own radio show at NowLive.com. I'll let you all know when to listen. It'll be fun roundtable show and who knows what we'll get into. The goal is to have all of the site contributors as roundtable hosts with guests and interviews and good stuff. I'm SO proud of them for taking this next step toward awesome.

If you've got nothing to read tonight, head over there. I highly recommend the 2007 Bowl Prediction column, but not if you're enjoying a beverage. If you don't heed my warning, at least have some paper towels handy. :) It's that funny.

If there IS a Husband No. 2

I start a lot of sentences with that phase. It isn't because I'm in some sort of rush to run out and find him. I'm really not in any hurry to even go out to dinner with someone I don't know.

But there is, down the road, the thought of trying this concept again. And if that ever does happen, I hope I marry a really competitive dude, because he's going to have to help me top this in terms of freaking awesome:

glumbert - Best wedding first dance ever

The "Thriller" dance was awesome. The couple who replicated the final dance in "Dirty Dancing"? You totally have a fan in me. But I've placed this couple at my solid No. 1 to beat. You're going down, "Baby Got Back" couple!

** And speaking of weddings, today is my parents' 30th anniversary. THIRTY freakin' years!! :) Congratulations, Mom and Dad. Your decision to go to Virginia that weekend and get hitched created a couple of pretty fantastic kids and a lot of fun for them growing up. I'm happy to see two of my best friends reach this kind of milestone. :)**

Sun!!

The sun is out in Charleston!!

The first time I've seen the sun in West Virginia since Dec. 1.

I don't want to talk about Dec. 1.

Part-time job anyone?

I'm reading something at work right now that has a customer service program called:

"Give 'em the Pickle."

I so am looking these people up.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

This song really, really hits home with me.



In some respects
I suspect you've got a respectable side
When pushed and pulled and pressured
You seldom run and hide
But it's for someone else's benefit
Not for what you wanna do
Until I realize that you've realized
I'm gonna say these words to you

You don't know what love is
You do as you're told
Just as a child at 10 might act
But you're far too old
You're not hopeless or helpless
And I hate to sound cold
But you don't know what love is...
You just do as you're told

I can see your man
Can't help but win
Any problems that may arise
But in his mind there can be no sin
If you never criticize
You just keep on repeating
All those empty "I love yous"
Until you say you deserve better
I'm gonna lay right into you

You don't know what love is
You just do as you're told
Just as a child of 10 might act
But you're far too old
Your not hopeless or helpless
And I hate to sound cold
But you don't know what love is
No you don't know what love is
No you don't know what love is

You just do as you're told
You do as you're told
Yeah

I still haven't found what I'm looking for ...

Like the sun. No sun yet. Nope. None.

But -- all in all -- not having as bad a day as these guys:

Tractor-trailer driver and passenger both in critical condition after plunge into river

This happened RIGHT OUTSIDE my office window this morning. We still can't figure out how we didn't HEAR this thing fly OFF THE INTERSTATE and drop 80 feet to U.S. Route 60 below and then roll into the river.

Crazy. This is far superior to the Spilled Milk Incident of 2005 when the milk tanker overturned on the bridge and its contents flowed off the bridge like a delicious milk waterfall.

Shameless self-promotion!!

Wait ... isn't that what a blog is anyway?

But, anyway ...

My weekend radio show, The Show That Never Ends, has been picked up by Alliance Media Network, a company who has partnered with us to bring us some awesome to our merry band of misfits. They partner with several other great shows on NowLive.com, so please visit their site and check out some of the fantastic talent the network has to offer!

Tonight's show promises to be a good one, though. We need your help to make this first show with them the best we've done so far (with the exception of "Porn Star or My Little Pony" which may never be topped) and that only can happen if you show up and participate. You can register for free for a chat name with NowLive and come in and hang out with us! You never know who's going to show up on any given night!

Oh, and don't forget -- Ed, our resident douche, isn't off the hook for his hair. And I'm not sure I could ring in 2008 any happier than knowing that while he's out trying to score with is popped collar on his dark striped shirt and his trendy jeans, he can't escape the fact that he's got no hair.

We want to thank all of you for your support! There's no way we'd be here now if it weren't for all of you. We're looking forward to making 2008 the best year yet for the show!

This is pretty awesome. I'm excited and freakin' out at the same time. And up to my ass in prep work right now. :) But I do hope that if you're around, and you've got the time, that you check us out tonight!

Your brain on doxylamine succinate

via instant messenger:

Jacque: kiefer sutherland is hot, even in a mugshot

Paige: poor kiefer
Paige: I wanted them to let him off just for being awesome
Paige: why is it that crotch flashers get out in 8 hours

Jacque: i should be so lucky that kiefer flashes his crotch in my direction

Oooh! It's like Christmas up in here!

MSNBC's showing a power block of "To Catch a Predator" goodness, including the "The Unseen Tapes."'

OOOOOH!!!

The guy they're interviewing now just said:

"There ain't no tellin' what I'll do when I'm drunk."

... that sounds like a lot of people I know.

I'm excited, though. This is great self-imposed grounding viewing. You don't have to think to watch this -- just laugh.

Oh, and these people should be beat with hoses as soon as they walk out the door. I think just normal police custody's too good for someone whose sole purpose for travel is to have sex with kids.

I know the issues surrounding this series, too -- there are both social and ethical concerns -- but the bottom line? I have no respect for kid touchers and they should really get what's coming their way: Prison rape.

I don't think I've seen the sun yet

On Tuesday, I remember telling Nightman (sneaky and mean) that I really don't think I've seen the actual SUN in West Virginia since the Pitt loss. In those seven days, it's been cold and gray and even snowy. And even today as I got up from under my self-induced NyQuil coma and went downstairs, it's still gray. And the radio weather report said rain for the next few days.

I could see how people get seasonal affective disorder. I actually know a couple of people who do have it and for a span of months during the fall and winter, they're on antidepressants because the dark and the gray is just too much. I understand how it could happen quite easily.

I woke up and went to the couch, which long has been a favorite Saturday routine. In my old house, the TV room was in the bottom level of the house and it was so dark and I would lose hours on Saturday afternoon sleeping while he worked or did other things. It's very dark in the bedroom in my new house, but thankfully, my living room lets in a lot of light.

There's just no light. It's gray. And ugly. And the trees are barren. But I do have a lovely view of Charleston's finest high-rise living. :) It doesn't have a parking garage, though. It doesn't make sense to me to have that kind of apartment building that you're paying that much to live in, and you still park outside. I've never been so happy to have a garage in my life!! Wednesday morning when it was snowy outside, I got into a cleaned off, warm car.

I've grounded myself today. I don't want to leave the house unless I have to because I just need to try to rest this cold out. I've torn up the interstate in every direction for weeks. It's been a blast and I've loved every second, but my health is suffering.

Oh, and how's this for a surprise -- I was doing research on half-marathons and found that the Erie one got pushed back to July! EEK! I'm scared now. Officially scared. I don't know if I'll be ready by July. I found a great program online that gives you eight weeks of conditioning and then you start training full on, so I think that's most sound. I'm going to have to map out some outside paths in Charleston for this training because I can't possibly take a treadmill at the gym long enough to do 10 miles on a Sunday.

It's a huge commitment. Erie in July, the Danskin Tri sometime in July (I hope not on the same weekend) and the Harrisburg-Hershey Half Marathon in November (which will definitely end with me taking a huge nap and then going to Chocolate World to eat everything made of milky chocolate goodness that isn't tied down -- in fact, I'd like my friends at the finish line with a giant Hershey's bar). I've been asked what I'll do after that.

I don't know. Probably sleep a while. Go to Vegas. I've always wanted to go to Vegas. I hear they've got a good half-marathon out there, too.

My ultimate dream goal is the Boston Marathon ... but I'm a realist. I doubt I'll ever be able to do that. Maybe it just seems overwhelming now, but in the end, taken in small chunks, it's totally possible.

I've always been told anything is possible, and I've definitely learned that during the last six months of my life. Anything is possible and you should be prepared for the bottom to drop out any time.

But I feel very peaceful, even if it's cold and gray outside. I'd be psyched if I could breathe out my nose, but that's just gravy at this point. :)

I'm not sayin', I'm JUST sayin' ...

Everybody should see this video. Especially if you went to West Virginia University or maybe live in the proximity of Long Island, New York.



I showed this to George, good friend and fellow WVU grad, who did, in fact, confirm it's 100 percent accurate.

I know I should be working, but ...

"When I'm out walkin' I strut my stuff and I'm so strung out ... I'm high as a kite I just might stop to check you out."
-- "Blister in the Sun" by Violent Femmes

I'm so strung out on the DayQuil that I can't focus. I start to do something, and then I look at the clock, and then I'll flip through my iTunes, read TMZ.com, look at the New York Post online ... I'm a trainwreck.

A trainwreck just a couple of short hours away from from a weekend spent on her couch.

"Just because we A-rabs, girl, don't mean we's kin."
-- George, when asked if he was related to another guy from Charleston who also is Lebanese

My left nostril is all red and painful from the constant runniness. And sneezing.

I'm on the phone with Julie now. Talking to her and listening to her stresses and thinking about the stress I've had lately, I am quite convinced that the solution to all of our problems could be found in a road trip like we took a couple of weeks back. Earlier in the week we were talking about how much fun we had in Harrisburg, Hershey and Johnstown.

The Firehouse, McGrath's, Johnnie's, Zembie's, the Chiefs, the freakin' Hershey Bears, Chocolate World -- all of it. I'd say the only part of that trip that sucked was the Turnpike, but as I drove away that night, I didn't even mind the Turnpike that time. It's not all that bad.

I also am way overdue for a trip to Richmond. Paige tells me there's a BW3 literally in staggering distance of her house, and this pleases me. :) I think the next time I'm up to hitting the road for a few days, there are going to be lots of wings and trivia involved. And Ikea, even though I doubt I could fit any of it in the Camry.

And really, is it February yet? I've got Groundhog Day, my birthday (which it's never, ever too early to start your planning for), the Foo in Philly followed by a weekend with Angie where we'll see things like the Museum of Medical Oddities ... I can't wait. All of January is just going to suck my will to live because I'm going to be waiting for February to get here.

OK, I've got to get back to work. I wanna go wrap up in my woobie on my couch and stay there until around noon on Sunday.

Why I love my office No. 183

"Oh noooo ... I've got 'Reading Rainbow' in my head. Oh, there's Pantera. That should take care of it."
-- Amber, sitting across from me in headphones

OK, common cold. You win.

(DayQuil -- fighter of the NyQuil! Champion of the sun!)

Nightman: What's wrong with you? You sound like hell.
Me: Oh, I'm fine. I'm not sick. I just can't breathe.
Nightman: You call a doctor yet?
Me: No! I'm not SICK. I just can't breathe.
Nightman: I don't know, Jacque. To me, "not being able to breathe" is something worth seeing a doctor about.

Monday is my cutoff. If I still can't breathe by Monday, I'm finally sucking it up and calling the doctor, where I'll lose $20 and about four hours of my time for her to see me for three minutes and write me a prescription.

I thought I was coming out of it, but in the last couple of days, my breathing capacity has severely diminished. And I'm back to the DayQuil and NyQuil. In a moment of genius yesterday, I became convinced I had allergies and went out and bought Claritin.

I'm clearly not a doctor.

Maybe it's stress. Maybe it's just the lack of an idle weekend at home. I traveled for something like four weeks straight -- Cincinnati, New Martinsville, Harrisburg, Hershey, Morgantown -- and although each of those trips were fantastic and fun, it didn't leave much time for rest with a cold that developed BEFORE I went to Cincinnati.

This weekend I've "grounded" myself. I'm not going out unless it's necessary, except for the gym. I know, I probably shouldn't even be working out, but I'm on a good streak lately and I feel bad when I miss it. And I love my gym. If you're one of my Charleston readers and you want a gym that you'll be in love with, I suggest Capitol Fitness. I giant heart how it's got great Pilates classes and it's never crowded. It also smells really nice, which was quite different than what I experienced at the Y on Tuesday night. Ick.

So, the grounding begins. I'm going to spend it on my couch watching movies in glorious high-definition quality and working on my show.

Speaking of my show, some very, very exciting new developments are in the works and it's HUGE! I don't want to talk a whole lot about it right now for fear of jinxing it, but it's VERY good and we're beside ourselves. Or, as co-host Jeff would say, we're "shitting rainbows."

Or, like my favorite Demotivator says: "Teamwork: A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction."

But now, I go fight the post office. Again. I f-ing lost a roll of stamps, and I'm still mad about it because I'd used TWO. That's $41.00 right out the window. Gah!!

The Century Club!

This is my 100th post!

I should reserve it for something meaningful, but instead, I'll just give you a picture of a cat.

For a limited time only ...

Thank you, Goldfarb Electric on Virginia Street East in Charleston. Thank you for making today worth it.

I've seen fire and I've seen ice -- just not together

I've been lucky enough to see a lot of really cool stuff in my 28 years.

But nothing like this.

Sweet Ann sent this to me with the disclaimer, "I don't know if this will make you laugh or cry, but I feel obligated to share it with you anyway."

My true love bursts into flames.

Why, God? Why?!

(I should add that I do love that it's a Comcast Zamboni that bursts into flames ... nice touch! Exploding Zamboni? That's Comcastic!!)

I'm trapped in a glass case of emotion!!

The only thing I'm saying about Saturday:

"This reminds me of two years ago when that -- AUGH -- I DON'T EVEN HAVE A WORD FOR HIM -- promised me up until freaking 24 hours before opening kickoff that he bought season tickets for us, and you know what? It was all a lie. A huge letdown and a huge lie. Like this season's been. It's all one GIANT HUGE LIE and one giant letdown."
-- Jacque on the phone, 11:45 p.m. Saturday night, taking it all out on someone who just happened the be the unfortunate S.O.B. who answered the phone

Cooler heads since have prevailed. The sun came up, but still hasn't shined here. I really don't even mean what I said about the season being a letdown. Or a giant lie.

You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a prediction: It's going to be cold. It's going to be gray. And it's going to last you for the rest of your life.