Why I giant heart Nicole

Because she sends me e-mails like this:

Shortly after this picture was taken, the turkey shouted 'death to america' and blew itself up. Four staffers were injured. Mr. Bush was last seen looking for cranberry sauce.

Turkey for me, Turkey for you ...

Oh, let the games begin, kids, 'cause it's ON!

My Mom and Dad just got back from the massive trip to Witschey's grocery store (screw you, Wal-Mart ... HOMETOWN POWER!) with everything you could possibly need to eat yourself miserable.

Stuffing! Noodles! Green beans that will morph into a tasty-yet-artery-clogging casserole! My Mom's about to go get my Grandma, so there's gonna be ... PIE, bitches! PIE!

But don't get me wrong. As much as the former fat girl in me loves the Thanksgiving food, I'm most happy to see my friends and family that I often don't see. My friends Crystal and John and their kids, Angie and Mike are in town, my cousin Justin who lives in Charlotte that I've not seen in years, my cousin Jen and her husband -- and naturally, my sister and her husband and their kid.

And of course, local TV. Charleston's by far not the pinnacle of entertainment, but I'm laughing really hard at this commercial for a car dearler in New Martinsville who every year does "Buck Truck Fever." The premise of this deal, I shit you not, is "Buy a truck, get a gun."

I have no idea how they do that ... I've never asked, but I mean, you'd think there's some federal stuff tied up in that. Or else I'd be really, really scared. I mean, I know most of the people who live here. Less than 5 percent of them SHOULD have a gun in their possession.

But all in all, I'm very happy that it's 12:35 p.m. and I'm still in the clothes I went to bed in hours and hours ago! Granted, I'm not going to be ready to move when it's go time, so a shower wouldn't be a bad plan, but then again ... I'm on vacation! I'm on Jacque Standard Time.