Thank you, Benny from Aventura

And they're like ... it's better than yours. Damn right ... it's better than yours. I could teach you ... but I'd have to charge.

I just don't get it ...

I hate pop music, and I can't get enough of the song "Lip Gloss."


Music Videos - Lip Gloss

This song is arguably the most stupid song EVER made. There's no way in hell this required thought, effort or talent.

And yet, Lil' Mama is driving a Bentley and I'm working 50 hours a week.

I don't begrudge her for catching the break we all want, but I still don't get it. I think I'm officially getting old. It's finally happened. I'm ready to start watching "Match Game" re-runs and eating Swanson TV dinners.

Mmm. Salisbury steak.

Treats from the road!

As I watch all of Season 3 of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" on my iTunes, I found a few pics I took with my phone from the weekend. The bulk of the pics are on my other camera and I haven't gotten around to downloading them yet. I'll probably hold off until after the Pitt game Saturday.

This is "The Price Is Right" scratch-off ticket from the Pennsylvania Lottery, which was purchased from a machine at Johnnie's in downtown Johnstown, Pa. This ticket was $5 and has four ways to win. On the back it says the odds of winning are 1:4.32. Ladies and gentlemen, meet ".32." I didn't win a freakin' thing.

The sign outside the Cambria County War Memorial Building, home of ECHL team Johnstown Chiefs. For you movie freaks, the movie "Slap Shot" used the Johnstown team. In the movie, they were the Charlestown Chiefs. :)

If there's one thing the BlackBerry camera doesn't do that great, it's live action. I tried to take a picture of the Zamboni guy about 30 times and it never turned out much better than this. I want to drive a Zamboni for a hockey game at least once in my life. I'm absolutely fascinated by them. I'd like to clear the ice and then drive it to the Sheetz across the bridge. :)

The sun never sets on Hershey's Chocolate World. Julie and I stopped in here before we headed to Giant Center. We didn't get to do a regular tour, but I figure I'll be back at some point to do that. I'm willing to drive five hours to smell a town that smells like chocolatey goodness.

B-E-A-R-S BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! B-E-A-R-S BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! Giant Center, Hershey, Pa. Hershey Bears v. Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins. Giant Center is absolutely awesome. Not a bad seat in the place. Oh, and they sell pierogies at the concession stand. Pierogies!! I'm ready to be a season ticket holder.

Proving that no good deed goes unpunished, George changes the container the Hershey's Kisses came in from "Hershey's Chocolate World" to "Hershey's Chocolate Rain," to give props to Tay Zonday.

I'm alive ... swear!

Things have been incredibly busy in the days following Thanksgiving.

In somewhat chronological order:

* Went to Johnstown, Pa., and watched the Johnstown Chiefs. I felt all "Slap Shot." It was awesome. Had dinner at a place called Johnnie's with some of the most real people I've ever met in my LIFE. Lost big time at Pennsylvania scratch-off tickets. (Screw you, Commonwealth!!) The liquor store worker said we could park by the bridge " 'n at."

* Went to Harrisburg, Pa., and checked into the Crowne Plaza where Julie and I decided we could move in. They give you a sleep mask, a sleep CD and lavender bed spray. I'm in love.

* Spent all day Saturday afternoon with Julie walking around Harrisburg, going to see the inside of their Capitol, taking pictures, walking to City Island, looking at leaves and molesting the newspaperman statute.

* Got pretty well acquainted with Harrisburg nightlife. Got a standing ovation from the wonderful bartending staff at The Firehouse on North Second Street for my knowledge of the lyrics of "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)." Suck it, Ed.

* If I don't get a Nintendo Wii soon, I'm gonna kill somebody.

* Saw my first ever Hershey Bears hockey game at Giant Center in Hershey. Went to chocolate world. Everybody asks if the town smells like chocolate. I couldn't smell. I was still sick. I'm now a huge Hershey Bears fan.

* Pennsylvania Turnpike: I still hate you. But I'm buying an EZ Pass to make our relationship better.

* Came back to work. New guy started! Woo!

* My divorce became final at 4 p.m. November 27. This wasn't easy. Or fun. It was sad. And it was like watching a movie of it happening. It didn't feel like it was happening when I was sitting there.

* Volleyball. Visit from Mom.

* Intent to go to the gym, but everybody is hellbent on feeding and watering me. I'm OK, I promise. Hot fudge cake isn't going to make me thin. And I've got two half-marathons to try to do next year!

... I think that's it. But I'll jump back into ye olde blogging game as soon as the dust clears.

Why I giant heart Nicole

Because she sends me e-mails like this:

Shortly after this picture was taken, the turkey shouted 'death to america' and blew itself up. Four staffers were injured. Mr. Bush was last seen looking for cranberry sauce.

Turkey for me, Turkey for you ...

Oh, let the games begin, kids, 'cause it's ON!

My Mom and Dad just got back from the massive trip to Witschey's grocery store (screw you, Wal-Mart ... HOMETOWN POWER!) with everything you could possibly need to eat yourself miserable.

Stuffing! Noodles! Green beans that will morph into a tasty-yet-artery-clogging casserole! My Mom's about to go get my Grandma, so there's gonna be ... PIE, bitches! PIE!

But don't get me wrong. As much as the former fat girl in me loves the Thanksgiving food, I'm most happy to see my friends and family that I often don't see. My friends Crystal and John and their kids, Angie and Mike are in town, my cousin Justin who lives in Charlotte that I've not seen in years, my cousin Jen and her husband -- and naturally, my sister and her husband and their kid.

And of course, local TV. Charleston's by far not the pinnacle of entertainment, but I'm laughing really hard at this commercial for a car dearler in New Martinsville who every year does "Buck Truck Fever." The premise of this deal, I shit you not, is "Buy a truck, get a gun."

I have no idea how they do that ... I've never asked, but I mean, you'd think there's some federal stuff tied up in that. Or else I'd be really, really scared. I mean, I know most of the people who live here. Less than 5 percent of them SHOULD have a gun in their possession.

But all in all, I'm very happy that it's 12:35 p.m. and I'm still in the clothes I went to bed in hours and hours ago! Granted, I'm not going to be ready to move when it's go time, so a shower wouldn't be a bad plan, but then again ... I'm on vacation! I'm on Jacque Standard Time.

The results are in: You're not superficial!

In this week's poll question, I asked y'all:

Which would you rather have?

Here's how you voted:

A mate who's amazingly good looking, but a total idiot. (GOOSE EGG!)
A mate who's amazingly intelligent, but not much to look at. 27 percent (5 votes)
As Billy Joel said, "I just want someone that I can talk to." 13 votes (72 percent)

Thank you all for somewhat restoring my faith in humanity and proving, yet again, that Billy Joel has the answers for everything.

Oh, what the hell?! Now this?!

Rest In Peace, Mr. Whipple.

Is there such thing as a "super strain"?

I told Julie that I think I got some sort of super strain of cold because my trusted ally, NyQuil, isn't even helping me now. NyQuil is powerless against this cold.

I can't breathe. No matter what I do, I can't breathe. It's just not happening. I've got so much to do before I head out for Thanksgiving it's unreal, and here I type at 6:30 p.m. about to take a shower and go to bed so I can make it into work tomorrow.

I didn't work today. This might be my first sick day since I got my wisdom teeth out in 2005. I couldn't do it. I thought I could go in at noon, and I couldn't. I'm tired and weak now from putting on a hat to go to the store for cat food so my animal doesn't starve. Poor Inky. I mean, I think she could miss a meal or two, but she tends to be a far more agreeable creature with a full belly. (As I type this, she finished eating and she's curled up purring like she's the happiest cat in West Virginia ...)

But now, I give NyQuil a chance to NOT let me down again. I'd hate to have it fail me after such a long time together.

Tonight's program is brought to you by ...

I feel like death. I'm not even kidding. Even though I had such an amazing time in Covington/Cincinnati, going on a trip like that and keeping the pace we did when you're already halfway to full-blown flu isn't the way to go.

Nevertheless, we're pressing on and having a show tonight because there won't be one next week. By the time 8 p.m. rolls around next Sunday, Julie and I are going to be center ice at a Hershey Bears game in Pennsylvania.

I could literally go to bed right this minute.

Hi! I'm in ... Covington!

1. The Courtyard by Marriott in Covington, KY has lead curtains. I swear. We didn't know it was almost noon before we woke up.

2. New Martinsville is everywhere. Literally. First person we see at the hotel last night? Graduated two years before me.

3. Right next door? AWFUL WAFFLE!!!! :) Which is so calling our names, so I better get moving.

Go 'Eers. Go Blue. Go Nittany Lions.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

On the road in Ohio

I'm in the back of Erinn and Mike's car as we head toward Cincinnati. We're about 60 miles away, and I've already laughed harder than I have in a while. :)
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

First Song Friday (11-16-07)

A new take on the feature -- featuring YouTube.

Today's pick is courtesy of the 1990s music channel on MusicChoice. I heart you, digital cable.

I can die happy. On Feb. 22.

Feb. 21 -- Wachovia Center -- Philadelphia, PA

Me. And the FOO!

This is my first Foo Fighters concert. The first time I'll get to see them live! I'm so excited, I can't even hold it in. I've decided that February is the best month ever because it's got Groundhog Day, my birthday and Foo Fighters all in the same 29 days.

Prisoners have it better than you

Note to self: When you get locked up for something unique, be lucky enough that you committed the crime in Clayton County, Ga.

Clayton prison requests satellite TV for inmates

By MEGAN MATTEUCCI
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 11/13/07
The latest management tool to settle prison squabbles could be "Monday Night Football."
The Clayton County Correctional Institution asked the County Commission on Tuesday to order DIRECTV for the Lovejoy prison.
Warden Frank Taylor Smith said inmates have been grumbling since "Monday Night Football" moved from ABC to ESPN.
"The reason is 'Monday Night Football' is now on cable," he said. "Although it might seem funny, when you have 90 percent of inmates watching something, it is a management tool for the institution."
The direct-broadcast satellite service — less than $100 a month — will be paid for from money collected at the prison's commissary and pay phones. Last year, the prison collected $41,000 from the inmate commissary and telephones but spent only a quarter of that money on inmate welfare, Smith said.
The 226 inmates housed in the facility's five dormitories now have the option of watching two channels, but half the time the reception is poor.
"It's a very routine thing. Every state prison has cable or DIRECTV," Smith said. "We have an antenna now."
Smith told the commission that all state prisons and 90 percent of county institutions have either cable or satellite TV.
However, Georgia Department of Corrections officials say that is not correct.
"No prisoners have DIRECTV. Television is a privilege," said Tracy Smith, a state corrections spokeswoman. "Our televisions have antennas."
The state pays a stipend to Clayton County to house inmates in the medium security prison, which serves as a work camp to provide labor for the county's public works, water authority, landfill and other departments. County officials say they save $1.4 million annually by using inmate labor.
The Clayton County Commission will vote on the DIRECTV proposal next week.

... what part of "you're in jail because you committed a crime and you don't deserve all of the things people who aren't in jail have" did I miss?

Only in my office ...

... can two of my staff writers walk in from lunch -- one in an Elvis mask and one in a Paulie Walnuts looking mask -- and nobody bats an eye.

It was a great idea at the time!

This came in the mail yesterday. It's just a shame that nobody's going to see it under the five other layers of clothes when Erinn and I go into Nippert Stadium Saturday night for the WVU-Cincinnati game.

I'm so excited for this trip! Erinn and Mike (her husband, whose blog you should read after this one by clicking HERE!) and I will leave on Friday and we'll eat at a restaurant you can read about here.

I'm taking my camera ... now that I've got the cord and I stopped being lazy ... to document the action. :)

Because who DOESN'T need some 1980s?

Pretty much one of my favorite songs ... ever.



If I think about it long enough, it's this song and "This Is a Call" by Foo Fighters that got me so obsessed with drumming. I just finished watching this video, and the whole time, I'm drumming on my kitchen table.

I *heart* you, 1980s. Come back.

... Interesting.

SiteMeter is fun.

I used to be overwhelmingly popular in Parkersburg by a CityNet user.

But yesterday, after I wrote about the screenplay Jo and I did, I stopped being popular in Parkersburg almost immediately.

I'm now overwhelmingly popular by a generic ISP in Houston, Texas, by a user with the exact same computer specs as whoever was in Parkersburg using CityNet. They're also very interested in the comments on the post about the screenplay.

But I'm sure that's just a coincidence. It's probably also a coincidence that someone's been on my show page with all of those exact same specs ... Total coincidence.

That's really the last I'm going to say about it.

I know you're doing it. You know you're doing it.

You hate me. I think you're pathetic.

I love that I don't have anything stopping me from calling you out anymore. You'd think that alone would be enough to make me uninteresting to you and you'd be patting yourself on your back enjoying your "prize," but it's clearly not enough.

But until you want to stop hiding behind your Internet veil and address me directly, you're not worth the time I've already put into you. You're spending hours a day on this blog. Literally. If you're investing that kind of time in me, you have time to come out from your anonymous, sad little world. I'm putting myself out here because I'm not a coward. You've never been anything but a coward. And jealous. And knowing what I do know about you, you're justified in your jealousy.

Sometimes, they write themselves!

I got this as an e-mail survey from a friend of mine, and just decided to respond here, so hopefully she comes this way to see the anwers. :)

Are you happy with your given name? I like it in that it's unique with its spelling. I hate it in that people always trip over it or call me "Zhock."

What is your guaranteed weeping movie? I will cry almost every time at the end of "When Harry Met Sally." Sometimes, even the end of "Major League" makes me weepy.

What is the one thing you like to do alone? Exercise. Mostly running. I like running alone because it's' my time for me.

What’s a major fear or yours? Failure. I'm not really afraid of things, per se. I find some insects to be a little creepy, but that's it.

Are you a pyromaniac? I don't set stuff on fire on my desk anymore, so I'd say I'm over it!

Do you know anyone famous? Yeah!

Describe your bed. It's really soft. It's a sleigh bed, which I've always wanted. It's dark cherry wood. It has a ton of pillows and really good sheets and a soft comforter.

What type of character would you play in a movie? The wacky sidekick, naturally.

What do you carry with you at all times? BlackBerry and my wallet.

How do you eat an apple? Just eat it ... I mean, it's a self-contained food!

Do you prefer to stand out or blend in? I'm OK just being part of the scenery. That rarely happens.

What kind of first impression do you think you give people? I could only imagine. I would guess that "personable" is probably a prevalent choice.

Favorite communication method? Whatever I can do with my BlackBerry :)

What is your hidden talent? I'm good at making fleece tie blankets.

Do you own a Bible? Yes.

How many drinks before you’re tipsy? I'm Frank the Tank. It's a lot.

Do you have a problem changing clothes in front of friends? Nope.

What should you be doing instead of this? Probably working ... but we're off next week so I feel a little better in NOT working right now.

Who was the last person who called you? Julie, who's on her way back from Stonewall

Are you ready? For? A nap? Yeah. Pilates? Yeah. Some personal training sessions? Sure!

What is the last gift you gave someone? I gave my cousin a gift for her baby shower Saturday.

Does everything happen for a reason? You bet your ass it does.

What is your biggest headache lately? Friday. :( And everything that led up to Friday even happening.

What color is your bedroom? I'm a renter. It's white. At my old house it was a really pretty blue I picked out at Sherwin Williams when paint was dirt cheap.

Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? Too nice, actually.

Have you ever pierced your own body part or that of someone else? No. They have state-licensed people to do things like that.

What kind of watch do you wear? A stainless steel one. It's hot.

What’s one car you will never buy? I don't think I'd ever buy a pickup truck. Nothing against them, but I can't see why I'd buy one for myself.

How many online journals do you read daily? A few ... I recommend you check on the ones to the right. :)

Do you cry in front of your friends? Yeah. Especially lately.

Would you die to save the life of someone you dearly love? Yes.

Do you have any married friends? Tons of 'em.

Do you like thunderstorms? I like to sleep during thunderstorms.

What was your first job? I shaved blocks of ice and made them into snow-cone like things at SnoBiz in New Martinsville.

What was the last thing you typed before this survey? I was writing back to Ben.

Who was your last IM to? I haven't IMed anybody today, so I'd say last night, it was Paige.

Favorite word lately? "Awesome."

What’s the strangest thing that’s happened to you in the past week? I don't know ... every day is kind of strange. Nothing sticks out.

You have a crush, don’t you? No. I actually, really don't.

Who? I said I don't!

What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments? I'm fidgety. Very, very fidgety.

Do you talk a lot? Yes. I'm a communicator!

What do you typically order at a bar? Vodka and cranberry.

Name ONE trait you hate in a person. Unfounded arrogance.

Favorite writing utensil? Pilot G-2 Retractable pens. So smooth. So perfect.

What’s one thing you’re a loser at? Being patient.

When’s the last time you made someone cry? It's been about a month or so.

Do you like the rain? Only if I'm not running in it. Then it's OK.

Who was the last person you talked to in person? George. He's behind me. He asked me why I was against him.

What are your plans for the weekend? I'm going to Cincinnati with Erinn to watch the WVU-Cincinnati game.

How much money would it take for you to give up the Internet for a year? Can I have it on my BlackBerry? If not, I'd probably do it for a million dollars, but I mean, I couldn't work. My job depends on the Internets.

Where’s your ideal marriage location? Ha! This is easy! Punxsutawney, Pa., on Feb. 2 where they do the weddings by the Inner Circle members.

What do you cook the best? I'm very good at chili. Mmm. Chili.

What kind of books do you like to read? I like non-fiction and true crime books. I'm also fascinated by organized crime and the mafia.

If you win the lottery, what would you like to do? I'd pack it up and move somewhere new and just see what happened.

If you don’t like a person, how do you show it? Let me count the ways ...

How long have you known your best friend? It seems like my entire life. We had the same Kindergarten teacher, but she hated me then. We had the same sixth grade teacher, but she hated me then, too. I think she started to like me in eighth grade when she realized I knew how to do algebra. :)

What are you listening to? "The Long Walk Back" CD by Just Off Turner that I bought on iTunes.

What was the last thing you laughed at? George, who said that he was gonna give someone a "wet kiss" if "Daddy got his job done right today."

What do you wish you were doing right now? Napping, easily. I'm sleepy.

What musical instrument do you wish you could play? I wish I was better at the guitar.

What’s the funniest experience you ever had at your job? Oh, wow. That's hard to narrow down. I'm going to vote for the Danny Shock Collar Incident. If you want details, I could totally do a post JUST on that.

If you could speak any language, which language would you speak? Spanish. We're all going to need it soon, and I want to be ready. :)

What fingers did you use to answer this… RIGHT NOW? Um, the ones on my hands?

Are you going to save your results? It's a blog, man. It's done been saved.